it has been a bleak and unfortuitous task of maintaining this blog, a blog with no followers or visiters so I am choosing to stop posting on here all together.
I have had some major changes happen in my life that have lead me to make this choice of not keeping up my hobby of making posts on here and I shall be delving into that somewhat right now.
To start, I have always somewhat felt that I have no family even though they might be sitting right next to me, I have felt that they never really understood me or have ever wanted to, they have never taken any real interest in anything that I find interesting or they have simply shot down my ideas, my hopes, my dreams, I can even vaguely remember drawing a picture of a gun (a fairly decent piece of artwork I thought) and showed it to my "father" I put the word father in quotations because I do not view him as a father but more of just a person whom lives in the same house as I, getting back to the drawing; I showed it to him and he simply looked at it with disdain and as I recall he then uttered the words "that's not good" at that moment I knew there was nothing there for me as far as he was concerned, all he has ever seemed to care about is himself. In my life I have had to put up with many different things some of which I feel that would have driven others to suicide or drugs/drinking had they had to have lived my life, it often crosses my mind and I'll think to myself "why am I still here? what is there for me here that keeps me going?" I have yet to find the answer to these questions and others like it.
Feelings of abandonment, mental illness runs in my family on both sides and has affected everyone but me it seems and that can take a serious toll on a person, my "sister" again I use quotations because she is actually my half sister (she has no biological relation to my "father"), getting back on track; she had a serious...lets call it an incident, in which she destroyed multiple irreplaceable items as well as two cars, and at the height of everything that was going on she had been put into a place that was supposed to keep her there until she was mentally stable enough to be in society it was at this point that my "father" thought it would be a good idea that he and my mother went on a trip to the other side of the country and to leave me behind to deal with anything that might come up and what ended up happening changed me somewhat, I was preparing to go out when I suddenly got a phone call, it was my "sister" she asked me if I was going to be home, I told her I was planning on going out but I knew at that moment I wouldn't be going anywhere, I locked the doors which resulted in her breaking in through the window which resulted in me having to call the police to have her removed from the house which was an unpleasant experience, I can very clearly remember one officer asking me if I wanted to have her charged it's only now that I wish I had said yes. I am aware that these may seem like small things but these are simply just small pieces of the distorted puzzle that make up my life, and it is very difficult to remember everything that has happened over the years, so I leave you with some final thoughts, with everything that has happened I finally after 26 years of life on this earth dealing with all the things I've had to deal with finally snapped and made a mistake, a "mistake" that probably would have happened sooner or later, which has resulted in me basically being kicked out, I strongly think that the wrong choice was made and that no matter what I have to say will not be changed, so I simply have this to say: this house was NEVER a home and that blood may be thicker than water but it isn't very great for putting out burning bridges.
